This year 2020 has been huge for me in terms of accepting myself COMPLETELY for who I am. I started this year with a tinge of escapism. Everytime something would go wrong in my personal life, my first instinct would be to run away to a future imaginary happy situation, and feel disempowered within present scenario.
There was an unevolved sense of life purpose, as it had not completely taken its form. There was a lack of strong vision, confidence in my own abilities, commitment to stick to that path because I was fearful of being judged and not being good enough.
But I faced my Saturn return’s major transition this March, and while the world was still and silent, I on the other hand was purging and going through an inner battle of self-realization and actualization.
I took on the challenge that was thrown at me. Even though the way things unfolded didn’t make sense; even though there were traces of resistance and doubt, I still took on that road of creating exactly what I love. How do I see myself living my life? What is going to fill me up? Am I denying some aspects within me and why?
I realised that the only one who ever holds me back is me. If I back myself up with all my strength, I know I can go against the grain without a shred of hesitation. It was a huge epiphany for me. There’s no shame in talking about what I love doing. There’s no shame in admitting my passions and dreams.
I usually like keeping a low-profile about my work: partly humility and partly I don’t trust that everyone moves with good intentions of everyone else. So, I don’t reveal much of my plans until they have fully taken shape. But then, sometimes because of this I also come off as I don’t have much going in my life, which is far from truth.
I am always learning, upleveling my skills, and trying to gain spiritual insights and knowledge about helping humanity and this planet in general. Some of the subjects don’t make sense to common people, and I’m learning to be okay with it. I don’t have to prove my worth to anyone. The work that I will create should practically help people whenever they choose to go to it, and that’s the empire I’m creating.
The amount of efforts I put behind the scenes, only I know. Just because I observe everything and don’t reveal much, doesn’t give anyone on the outside to disrespect my craft and my devotion to it.
So this year, I learned not to underestimate myself, and not to talk as if I’ve nothing to do or teach. Whether people pick up on it or not, I don’t have to be concerned with that, but I always have to stand in my truth and not shape-shift to make others feel comfortable.
One should always stand in their light, no matter how bright, unbearable, or triggering it may seem to others.
I’m of course very kind most of the times. I don’t like pulling people down when they want to do something new. I love encouraging them, bringing their confidence up because I want to see everyone be their true self. Unfortunately, I haven’t received so far such enthusiastic support from anyone, except God and my ancestral spirit team. But, I’m still proud of how far I’ve come in terms of personal power.
My spirit team has given me so much of courage that I’ve learned to not be so extra hard on myself, and pinpoint every minor flaw in my work. It’s okay to be imperfect; what’s important is that we keep evolving regardless.
I’m extremely excited for the blessings 2021 would hold for me.