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Scorpionic themes from my personal life!

This blog post might be a little on the raw side of sexuality, sensuality and scorpionic themes. I’m currently learning to be more expressive and open with my ideas and perceptions through my art and writing.

My moon is in Scorpio in the Anuradha nakshatra, sun in Cancer in Pushya nakshatra, and a major 12th house stellium in Leo (Magha nakshatra) with the tight conjunction of Mars, Venus and Mercury. Owing to these placements, I’m a highly passionate person with very intense emotions, drive and desires. However, these placements also lend me the inner nature of secrecy, solitude, and not wanting to be easily vulnerable.

Over years of inner work and trying to understand myself, I’ve realised that it’s not that I distrust everybody and don’t want to open up. But rather, I’ve a tough wall, and it would take a certain magical person to melt that invisible barrier outside my heart. I have strong fire and water in my birth chart, and possibly I channel that side mostly to my work. But when it comes to dealing with others, I predominantly show them my airy and earthy side: the logical, rational, balanced side of me, who has sorted out their emotions.

Probably, on many levels I do have my emotions sorted out, but beneath all that levelheadedness, I have a very fiery and watery nature, where I secretly wish to be seen and understood emotionally: some place where I can be raw, vulnerable, unbound about all my desires and passion; some place where the other person involved actually knows what I mean when I talk about something beyond normal spectrum. That’s very Scorpionic of me!

I can read people easily when I want to. If I am curious about somebody, I pay attention to the smallest of things they do and not do. I observe the things they talk about, the things they like and support on social media, how they act in public; I try to read the energy behind scenes; the psychological triggers; what fascinates them or makes them cringe. Does it sound stalkerish? Maybe! But for me, it’s simply the way to know somebody deeply and gather information, because it gives me a firm analysis of compatibility between us.

And honestly, I like someone who equally tries to study me deeply in a healthy way- uncover my layers one at a time, because that gives me the indication that they took their time to get to know me. It’s a love language for me.

I am very accepting of the duality that resides within us. I can be seriously obsessed with someone on some inexplicable octave, but I can still understand and accept that we are different in terms of our values, and may not work well together.

It’s a different story although if I become obsessed with someone, and the person actually turns out to be highly compatible with my inner nature. I may probably not hold myself back on an emotional level with that person, and be more colorful and direct about the topics which I never communicate with other people.

For all the years I’ve lived, I’ve always felt misunderstood and unseen by most of them around me. Only a few are able to fathom me energetically, emotionally, spiritually to an extent, and I’ve kind of made peace with that fact by now. If it happens, it’s good. If it doesn’t, that’s fine too. Probably this very feeling of deep loneliness pushed me on the path of spiritual evolution, where I learned to love and accept myself for who I am, and devote all that passion to Krsna.

In my past, I might have tried to look for that intensity in other people. It’s difficult to explain the level of intimacy I crave, but let me try to simplify. Two snakes coiling together and becoming one; owning each other’s soul in a good way, but aiming for higher consciousness through that union; Prakriti and Purusha coming together; a love that feels beyond the bodies and minds; seeking depth, but letting that enigma transform each other, and bring them closer to their ‘Atman’ and eventually to the Supreme.

I have not found anyone like that so far.

I have met people with whom I had my moon conjunct Pluto contact in synastry. Also, their moon fell in my 7th house, which is Pisces. I strangely feel very drawn to them. They may not be my usual type, but beyond those standards, I would feel their energy strongly in my bones. There have been some with whom I had my Mars, Venus conjunction in synastry.  These kind of connections have been a little obsessive for me, and I wonder if I was projecting my inner desires on them mentally.

I never spoke to any of them about what was going on inside my heart, because duh! Scorpio tendencies to hide emotions. But whatever I felt for them never went away. I must have rationalized and taken a practical outlook on how to go about it, but even after the years passed, my feelings kind of never faded. 

The plutonian contact connections were very intense for my heart, and since they were in contact with my moon, they brought up to my awareness my hidden emotional requirements- wanting to be seen, validated and intensely loved by my partner.

Since these desires have always lurked within my subconscious as they never got fulfilled, I might have subliminally projected these fantasies on the person who I was obsessed with – not hoping for anything in return, but simply for the sake of emotional stimulation. It doesn’t really matter to me how many feelings I have for someone and on what level; if there’s no action or even an honest communication to bare out the soul, I learn to let it go with grace.

Probably, it may still be in my awareness but I don’t value inaction from the person I’m interested in figuring out.

Having Leo Venus in my birth chart makes some of my love languages as words of appreciation, physical touch, sensual getaways, sweet, cozy but thoughtful gestures of love. But then being a Leo mars, I equally appreciate it when someone takes strong, bold actions for me beyond mere words. It’s a turn on! 

I can easily say that I have a balance of masculine and feminine sides inside. When in public, I act more from my masculine side because I feel awkward showing my sensitive feminine side. Some traces may be visible, but a major chunk of it stays hidden. My femininity shows better in intimate settings, when I see someone has taken the time to love and nurture me intentionally, with full devotion and attention.

However, I still have many layers till one reaches my soft core. Maybe it’s a protection mechanism. I’m not scared of being hurt but maybe scared of being misinterpreted. It feels really heart-wrenching when you are up there revealing your soul to the other person, but their love language and communication style is so different that your message just doesn’t get through.

Then it becomes either an ego battle, miscommunication or a cold response to something delicate. I can read it energetically:  how much someone is willing to dive in deep into things which matter to me. If their interest seems fake or superficial, I don’t waste my efforts over- explaining how I feel.

I think I’ve kind of become okay with this aspect over time; maybe it’s not my path to meet someone who would understand me in human ways. Maybe it still is my path, but I don’t need to care about that much, and simply stay detached and focused on my dharma. Maybe that’s why it was so easy for me to surrender to Krsna because he knows me for all that I have been right from the start.

Probably the hole, the emptiness and loneliness which I felt years back and maybe slightly feel now and then, is not meant to be filled by any human. And this has allowed my idea of love to transcend by seeing a husband in Krsna.

This might sound odd and maddening to someone who has never experienced the life-long loneliness my heart has gone through. The closeness I look for is not superficial. It’s a piercing and purifying involvement. The kind of love or connection where I get to say,” I had been looking for you all my life, and now I know what I was missing”.

When I was desperately looking for that soul intimacy in someone outside, I had drifted to a very dark place of codependency, addiction, depression, feeling unbalanced, losing my will to live, not seeing my purpose in life.

But when I filled that huge hole in my heart with the love of Krsna, I got initiated to a totally opposite path- from hopelessness to feeling super-grounded, living aligned with my destiny and higher calling, accepting human connections for what they are, cultivating healthy detachment, etc.

I realized that a powerful love can really bring huge change within the hearts of the people involved. Love doesn’t pull you down, but it inspires you to constantly evolve in connection with the divine. 

So, I don’t fully agree with the idea of “falling in love”. There’s no falling, but a desire to dance, to rise up in love because both beings understand each other’s beauty and want to bring out the best in each other. There’s a time to be more expressive about each other’s trauma and pain, but beyond that, love is also expansive, liberating and timeless.

I don’t feel that the love which is simply based on trauma-sharing is healthy, because how long can you go about discussing pain? Once you have reached the threshold, there has to be some transformation otherwise it will stagnate. The kind of love where both people have shared values, have a similar love language, and have an acceptance, hold space for each other’s ego, and encourage to be absolutely authentic is gold.

And I haven’t found that in any human connection I have had so far. But in Krsna I found it. Probably, that’s why I have stopped needing anyone to fill me up. 

I mostly operate on my masculine side to cloak up my soft side, but when it comes to love, I like it when I’m allowed to take my feminine side, where I receive warmth, intimacy, care; where I’m allowed to act like a child from time to time; where I’m spoiled with sweet gestures. When I notice that someone is putting thoughtful efforts in loving me, I naturally go in my generous mode, and feel like giving more of my time and attention in making them feel special.

But when someone doesn’t try to understand and observe my love language, and wants me to over-explain my needs, and yet not do much about it, I go back in my shell emotionally: being outwardly present with the person but deep inside feeling aloof and uninterested. 

My love for Krsna is on the line of Bhakti and Tantra. Ever since I focused on connecting to him personally, my creative gifts have exploded. I feel like doing Shringaar, nurturing my feminine side, because I want to please him, make myself look beautiful for him.

I kind of feel that covertly most of the women desire to be praised, appreciated, loved for their beauty by their partners, the one who they have devoted their hearts to. If somehow she has become disconnected from that aspect of hers, it’s probably because someone made her feel unseen/unloved whether within her family/friends or her partner, or she had become too wrapped up in her responsibilities that she isn’t able to find time to nurture herself.

 Looking after and beautifying one’s body is an art of patience and deep intimacy with oneself. When we as women adorn ourselves, we ask ,”Who are we doing it for?” 

Probably the answer “myself” doesn’t always feel enough. I might go lazy if I am simply doing it for myself. But I might want to look good for someone special, to be in my seductive and sensual element to catch their eye, and feel desirable.

I really see partnership and love as a healthy form of worship, passion, pure emotions, loyalty and respect for each other. I know that the Leo quality within me would treat the better half like a king with undying love, provided I receive the same.

And since I have never really met a person who brings out my surrendered feminine energy, I chose a long time back to offer that place in my heart to Krsna, for he is perfect to me. He gets all of me, without any exception. I can cry, be childish when I want to, spoil him with all my love and devotion all that I want to, or be too work-obsessed, deep in my mental energy and not pay much attention to him, and I would still be accepted by him.

I see him as my eternal lover who now occupies something inaccessible inside me which will never go away. For years, the lack of deep emotional/passionate love from someone else made me dry from inside out. I despised my body and felt maybe, I didn’t deserve love. I used to doubt if I was attractive enough.

But now that I offer my body, mind and soul to Krsna, I have a different kind of confidence within myself. I know who I am. I know what I need. I know that I’m attractive and the qualities I possess, and the facets that I need to work on. It’s a different kind of power that I walk in, because I feel loved by him.

I usually don’t write and share such stuff because I rationalize my own emotions at times, and stay stoic for the discomfort of vulnerability. But I’m learning; this is another form of strength too- to be completely genuine in one’s creative expression.

If I put a lid on all my intensity, I might take away a huge chunk of who I am and who I’ve the potential to be. So I’m working on bringing out my feminine side through all mediums of creativity, and not always being practical and sorted. 

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How to pick the perfect spiritual advisor for you?

When we start deepening our understanding of spirituality, and the reason it’s important for us to evolve as a soul, we also start gravitating towards certain tools like crystals, tarot, astrology, etc. to grow our inner awareness.

Now, I do not approach these tools as necessary but they can play a great role in self-reflection and assessment of our patterns, limiting beliefs, areas of improvement, destiny, past life baggage, etc. When someone approaches these tools constantly with the mindset of mundane predictions or seeking validation to stay stuck in unhealthy situations, they are not really looking for inner growth. Their focus is purely material world illusion based. And that’s okay! Not everyone seeks mystical experiences within a lifetime. 

But if you are truly looking for innermost expansion, it’s necessary to understand that the reservoir of wisdom is always within you, and you are approaching these tools only to confirm what you already know in your deep heart and psyche. Any kind of tool should help you identify your impediments and untapped potential, and encourage you to work with other energies beyond your comfort zone, as that’s the key factor to strengthen your areas of weakness.

This doesn’t mean that you should be a perfect human and should never make mistakes. It simply indicates that experience it, and cultivate more wisdom by being open to newness.

What do I suggest when someone wants to find a genuine astrologer or tarot reader or any sort of holistic healer?

I encourage doing a thorough study of their work and the content they put out. Do not simply get influenced by the number of followers, the over-hyping comment section, other social factors. However, do a detailed study of what they create, and ask yourself if you connect with their work. This tip helps people who have good discernment skills.

However, if you haven’t really reached a state to identify what feels or doesn’t feel right to you, it’s always acceptable to go to someone who has a balanced perspective on spirituality and practicality. I’m not talking about the mainstream spirituality where people try to fit each other in certain labels, constantly promote love, light, endless positivity, and don’t take accountability of their shadows and personal development. I’m rather talking about going to someone who has a broad outlook of everything, and realizes that we are multi-dimensional in every sense; someone who holds integrity in their words, actions and teaching.

For example, I do not advice anything that I haven’t fully practiced and understood the importance of. I’m aware that being a human, I will always have something further to encounter and integrate. So whatever I don’t know or don’t personally practice, I stay honest about it. But there’s a lot more that I embody and understand in my daily life, and that’s what I can teach. My lessons revolve more around listening to one’s inner voice and focusing less on external noise. Not every teacher or healer is the right pick for you.

Some people can also drift towards healers who give deeper context of spiritual and religious practices, and less of practical know-how. Everything is good as long as you know what you need.

Let their work, their ideas speak to you. Sit with their work and ask yourself, “How do I feel about it? Would I really like to take advice or gain wisdom from this person?” You will always know if you pay attention to subtle signals and vibrations within you.

My style of guiding anyone is very rational and spiritual at the same time. I follow my heart and passion when it comes to my work. I’m very connected to the divine, but I also use the wisdom I receive to be of service to people in a practical sense. My virgo rising and Capricorn saturn contributes to that nature.

I’m still learning many things, building my foundation slowly, and I can’t wait to see how everything connects many years later. 

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Letting go and forgiveness!

I’m grieving: grieving the loss of a connection near and dear to my heart; a connection that I had always known was hugely karmic in nature because I grew so much spiritually just by being in this connection. The person never taught me directly a single word, but the amount of karma I paid by being around him, the emotional healing, forgiveness lessons I had to learn were immense.

Talking about this itself is sensitive to me. The reason I haven’t fully moved out of this connection is because I know I still owe the person something in this physical world- no longer emotional/ mental ties, but very transactional and practical in nature, to completely dissolve the karma. 

Ending relationships is not always black and white. Sometimes a certain connection mirrors back to us what we really need in order to feel loved, heard and seen. We start seeing all those places where we haven’t given love to our heart, where we are blocking ourselves, holding anger, resentment because something just doesn’t feel right. When we see all that, we set intentions about what we want next to come in. We prioritize our needs and desires. And then we be patient while waiting for that to step in our lives. Meanwhile, we continue focusing on our soul’s evolution.

I’m good at cutting people off where I don’t find equal reciprocation. But in few connections, I’ve to stay more strategic and diplomatic in terms of how I end them gradually. They don’t happen overnight because several factors are interconnected, but the realization definitely hits that something has ended internally, and there’s nothing left inside to give. And when that awareness comes, there also comes grief, the pain of letting go, meanwhile also forgiving the person involved for the emotional trauma they have caused.

I’m someone that doesn’t really hold grudge against people, and no matter who has hurt me where, I never wish bad upon them. But it definitely takes time to heal the anger, discontent, bitterness because they are very valid feelings. They make us human, and when we understand the root cause of it, we also begin understanding that we cannot latch onto them forever.

Even though it’s hard, at some point forgiveness has to be embraced, to release all the pain, the suffocation, the blockage in the heart.

Probably this is one of the most vulnerable posts I’ve ever written because my scorpio moon doesn’t feel comfortable be so open about my private life. But I feel this post was necessary today for my sake, for my emotional salvation, for me to forgive the person, for me to grieve as much as I have to, but also realize that some things are not meant to be, despite trying our best.

I cannot be exasperated and wounded because of someone forever. I’ve to forgive, reach a certain level of detachment, serve my karmic debt to that person till whenever Krsna intends and then leave with gratitude. That’s the ending I desire.

I’m actually thankful to that person in many ways because they indirectly illuminated me on how to be grounded and wise in my emotional body. I was so used to numbing my emotions 5 years back. But when this person came to my life, through presenting me extremely difficult challenges of abandonment, slight narcissism, emotional unavailability, selfishness, he triggered me to heal myself, because I was in the void and I had no option, but to fill my cup with self-love.

This person came at a point when I wasn’t emotionally mature. But he appeared as a teacher, to push me to embody my highest self. I’m still in the process of many things but I’ve also done tremendous inner-work because of those sentimental scars.

I’m becoming ready to forgive him, and move on when I see Krsna’s signal. I will stay on the lookout. But I’m grateful for all that I’ve learned in this connection, and there’s nothing more left to give and take. So, I will let this pain transform me into a more authentic expression of my soul.

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My heart has been restless and uneasy. A sense of boredom and stagnation has creeped in: “What’s next?” I ask myself.

Honestly, as much as of gratitude I hold for the gifts I have graciously received from Krsna, I equally feel a sense of discontent about the areas where I lack. This present stage feels like a dark womb, where there is nothing else except Krsna’s and my presence. I am vulnerable but I’m equally protected, and the one thread that has got me hanging mid-air is my faith in him.

The spiritual path is exactly like this. Most of the wisdom and soul awakening comes through transitional stages, where when the circumstances feel unfavorable, one relies on their faith and devotion.

 How far can I go? Maybe Krsna is testing me. He is playful and knows all my secrets. Maybe I’ve been serious for way too long.

Krsna teaches me to let go: let go of the desire to always work, and never stop by to enjoy the simple moments of life. I’m guilty of that. I work so much not because I feel pressured by someone outside of me, but because I genuinely love what I do.

I enjoy cooking simple meals. I enjoy creating artwork. I’m equally invested in home decor and architecture; hence I’ve been learning organisational skills and furniture design. I’m equally interested in gardening, crocheting, sewing, cleaning home, clay work, energy healing, yoga, herbology, writing blogs, etc.

Can I catch a damn break? I always drive myself to exhaustion by doing too much. My brain generates a constant influx of ideas, and I go so hard on myself by trying to fit in everything within 24 hours. Isn’t it an impractical way to live? Can one person do everything?

I might be a hard worker but I love slow style of living as well; the style where I’m not incessantly trying to rush through it all, but I’m also enjoying the experience it provided me.

Krsna taught me recently that my focus has to shift from the final product to the whole process. “Have romance with your process. Feel it! Slow it down! Let it take a little longer, but do not forget to enjoy the learning stage”, he says.

It’s not a new form of awareness for me. I already know it. But I’ve to consciously bring this to my attention everytime I start going overboard. 

I can become obsessed with my ideas, completely immersed in them, pursue them with laser focus attention. So I’ve to always stay mindful of my extreme behavior, because that imbalance starts showing up in my body.

The solution to all this is do one thing at a time, with full presence and mindfulness, so that my energy doesn’t get scattered.

If you have 10 things to do, don’t be thinking about the other 9 things when doing the first on your list. Get into a habit of keeping a notebook by your side- to write down ideas every time you receive one. The brain can get messed up if it keeps circling around the same thoughts for a long time, because you did not give them an outlet. Write in a way that it’s easier for you to comprehend them later upon reading. Additionally, do not put more responsibility on your shoulders than you can take.

Just because you naturally like doing stuffs and taking lead does not mean you’ve to take more on your plate than your capacity. You are not a superhuman (unless you actually are). You need food, sleep, relaxation, exercise, work in equal parts. All are important for your overall health. So do not ignore other aspects of your life in pursuit of just one thing.

When I sat in silence, I realised all this and saw through all the people who try to take more from me, whether emotionally or mentally. And then, I drew my boundaries up after an honest communication. I no longer feel like carrying people with me who don’t add anything valuable to my life. 

Valuable can either be material/mental/emotional/spiritual understanding. I do not keep anyone at pedestal, but I always look for someone who equals my energy. I know I give a lot to people I care about, but I also like to receive love, care and affection in a similar way. When someone around me starts draining my life-force (un)intentionally, and constantly triggers my psychological wounds, despite having a forthright conversation, I let them go.

Since I work hard, I only like people around me who I can build with; who take away some of my burden and help me, rather than adding their own burden to it. Sometimes I love being there for people, guiding them, boosting them up when they feel down, but that should not become a daily thing. 

Live your life! Complain, get angry and frustrated when you’ve been tough for a while and need a break. It’s valid to be angry, sad, hurt and tired. However, if that’s an every day story, some inner work and healing is required. 

I know I can be a great therapist and straight-shooter in pointing out what area someone needs to work on, to feel better in a wholesome way. Maybe I can do that some time; get raw and real about deep psychological stuffs with people. I have natural gift of being able to see everyone’s shadow self. But I don’t like playing therapist unless someone wants to work on themselves. Why to waste my energy on a perpetual complainer?

I can listen to people too, when they simply want me to be around, and express their emotions. But I need that gesture evenly when I feel down, and want someone to open upto. Should I be a shoulder to everyone and not need a shoulder myself? Utter bullshit! Extremely strong people fall apart too, and then they get back up again.

Lately, I’ve had this deep realisation that I can only be great friends with strong and driven people: who are balanced, know their true selves, and accept all of their parts. I can easily read through people’s intentions when they try to manipulate me, and I cut them off ruthlessly. Does that make me scary and less spiritual?

Who cares.

I’m me. I no longer label myself one thing or the other. I go along with what works my soul. If I ever feel I need to make a change, I bring that along because I practice pure truth with myself. I call myself out on my own shitty behavior when I spot it in the way of my soul’s evolution.

 I have been clearing space for new blessings in my life. I have been building and living my life gradually in a way that my benevolent ancestors would approve of. I’ve been making room for a better, healthier lifestyle where I take accountability for everything I involve myself in. New soul tribe needs to come in where we inspire each other to live our lives to the fullest.

Probably I need more patience!


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How to invite healthy, meaningful social connections in your life? Here’s my take!

In my earlier years, when I was quite co-dependent and didn’t know how to trust my intuitive nudges, I would often carry this “woe is me” and victim attitude, because almost everyone I met had used me in some form or the other,  even the ones I had trusted the most with my heart. At that point, I was trying so hard to numb down my feelings of betrayal and abandonment.

I would often ask myself,”What is wrong with me? Why do people always hurt me? Am I fated to meet such people in my life? Is the whole world so cruel?” Valid questions, right? Due to certain exhausting events, I even underwent depression for three years. 

However, now that I’m emotionally mature as a result of constantly doing inner work, and as  I reflect on my past behavior, I extract so much wisdom and clarity from that stage. To some extent, yes! The people I met in my life previously used me for their benefit. Let’s state it as it is! But the main difference now is – I also see the problem with who I was in that phase, and what things I put up with even though they clearly trampled on my self-worth. The signs and the red flags were always present, and very evident, but I chose to ignore them because I didn’t know how to be comfortable with pain, my deep subconscious issues, fears…or rather the totality of my soul.

I wanted to cling on, trauma bond with people. Heck! Sometimes I thought codependency was the only way to prove the love and loyalty within a connection. I’m even talking about friendships here, and not just romantic love.

I have come a long way in terms of emotional growth. Who I was 4 years back, there’s a drastic change in retrospect. 

I operate more with an open heart now. I communicate with everyone without having the fear that I will get hurt. Of course, it’s life. Sometimes we might face some challenges or friction, and I accept its existence. I don’t believe in pushing problems under the rug.

Few years back, I used to be afraid to address the issues. I would hold back my feelings, bottle them up, and carry resentment, pain, all around. I didn’t understand the value of healthy communication, and taking my time to point out what I was feeling, and how that matter could be resolved. I had this notion that I always need to act positive despite what was going on underneath, so that the people in my life don’t leave me.

But,I didn’t realise that I was already deluding myself that it was a sturdy foundation if I was simply faking my emotional state. If I can’t be honest and open about who I’m and what I feel, is that connection even an authentic one?

So one of the major lessons I carry now is be very clear about who I am, what I accept as well as “DON’T” accept in my life. I’m a naturally intuitive person, and I can mostly see within people’s masks, if I haven’t allowed my emotions to cloud my judgement. And no matter what I see, I just use that information to ask myself,”How does this person align with my soul’s purpose right now?”

I really take time to check in with my needs and desires. For example, I’m a very driven person about the kind of life I want to create. I barely need an external stimulus to motivate me. I get guided by my spirit team constantly. So, the kind of friendships I desire are the ones that teach me of esoteric wisdom, certain spiritual techniques that I’m unaware of, generate curiosity in me, or rather help me in a practical, financial way. And that’s what I offer in return too. I love giving advice to people when they need it, but only if they are going to act on it. Otherwise, I don’t waste my time and energy on people who are always complaining about their life and people in it.

Whatever connections show up in my life, I observe deeply what the other person requires to feel fulfilled within the partnership. I also make sure to ask them of their expectations in case they are open to a healthy conversation. And then I state how far and in what way can I meet them? I state my nature, how I like doing things, my personal boundaries, and check in with them if they can work with it? It’s always good to ask. That’s the core of building an effective communication.

Now remember, when we state our boundaries and intentions, not everyone is going to take it well. Some will be horrified at the audacity of our directness. But then, there’s little you can do about it. Most people can’t handle truth. They deem clarity as selfish behavior at times, because they are used to compromising within connectins and staying unhappy and bitter. But rarely do they realise that the truth which hurts them initially also teaches them the importance of considering boundaries, and frees them from the cycle of sneaky behavior and lies, because there’s no deception of intentions. Just make sure to express yourself with compassion, rather than rude speech. But beyond that, you are not really in control of how the other person takes the information.

Another point I always pay close attention to is people’s actions. Some people are highly crafty with their words. If a person can easily read into your psychological behavior, they also have the potential to manipulate you well, with their words and promises, unless you are grounded and balanced within yourself. Know your weaknesses, strengths, fears, low points, every corner of your soul and accept them with love, so that no one can use them against you. When you communicate, know where you are coming from, and have a firm understanding of why you are behaving a certain way. If you maintain that, it becomes a tad difficult to manipulate you, because you neither under or overestimate yourself. You just stick with what is! The reality!

Pay attention if the words of people in your life align with their actions. Is their just a little mismatch, or a huge gap? Do you find yourself capable to point out openly when they don’t live upto their promises? How do they react? Do they reflect on their behavior or gaslight you instead? Are they even open to the possibility of strengthening of the bond? Or do they assume that all is good even when clearly things don’t feel so alright? Are they perceptive and receptive? These are such important questions to ask within any kind of relationship. Depending on the answers, you get to decide your tolerance level of the person.

Not everyone likes to genuinely work on a connection. When an issue comes up, there’s more of blame and shame game, with very little accountability. Only when the duo is equally invested in making it work despite the odds, a resolution is reached. Sometimes people are unwilling to change the root of the problem. I advise in such cases to not push against the wave. Ask yourself,”Can I tolerate it? Or is it time that I let it go and walk away? Can I walk away in an amicable way, while still staying  in the person’s life, helping them when I can ,but not attaching myself to them ? Or do I feel the need to completely leave because it’s too painful?”

There are different levels to how we can end a connection. Some things are too traumatic and we don’t want to stay around to experience it again. Sometimes taking a break is all we need to emotionally recover. Do all that you need to do, so that you can come back to your center, as a happy, healthy human. 

Sometimes people in our lives hurt us, and we never get any apology from them. And honestly, no matter how heart-wrenching it is at times, we can’t really force them to apologise to us. We have to look for love and compassion within in those tough moments, to heal our hearts. Not an easy thing to do, for sure! But since, I’ve done it countless times, I know it’s so worth it, because I now know how to give love, validation, acceptance, nurture to myself, which I used to expect from others.

As a result of this, I only allow people in my life, who are equally willing to work on their emotional-self, when things don’t go as planned, where it’s not a co-dependent addiction. When you act in full integrity, you attract people who are similarly unfeigned. Even if you meet insincere people, it gradually becomes easier for you to detect the red flags, because you start dismissing all bullshit, and clearly stating what you want. 

If someone makes you feel bad for having certain standards, they clearly are not meant to be in your life.  Sometimes we all can fuck up within a connection, but it’s all about how beautifuly the conflict gets settled. But if there are frequent events of disharmony, misunderstanding and allegations, continuing with that connection isn’t healthy for either person involved. Sometimes it’s okay to understand that two people are so different that the common points bringing them together are very few. And there’s no one to blame, but it’s just the two see the world so differently. No one is right or wrong in that case. Just walk away or find the middle path of catching up once in a while. You can always decide the kind of dynamics you want within any relationship.

If someone is always set on misunderstanding you, it’s an exhausting chore to explain yourself everytime. You decide how far you can go with it. It’s like a cigarette, slowly suffocating your lungs.

Another important point: just the way you respect your boundaries and accept certain things in your life, you also have to respect the same for others. We all are different, moving, creating our destinies in a unique way. Just because you have the capacity to give more doesn’t mean the other person is ready to receive it, or they want the same things as you do.

When someone else clearly states their truth, accept it, rather than selfishly wanting them to be flexible to your needs. Accept people for who they are, whether they are emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually wise or not. If you can’t keep them in your inner circle, just let them be, wish them well, without causing needless friction and pushiness.

We don’t need to change anybody. We allow them to reveal their true nature and adjust accordingly. That’s the lesson we learn throughout our lives in terms of social expansion and inner growth. Wow! I think I’ve written enough about it. Hope you find sense and clarity in it. Much love to you all!

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Tracing our emotional patterns

Our childhood plays a crucial role in shaping how we deal with people in our lives, our boundaries, our comfort in giving and receiving love, genuineness, authenticity, etc. 

This is the conditioning we pick up through observing our environment where we grew up, our relationship with parents, siblings, others around, also the kind of pressure and challenges we silently took on without being aware of it. There are multiple scenarios.

For example, I grew up in a family where my parents detested each other. My father was emotionally, mentally absent and had no interest in raising us. My mother had to do it all alone. I’m proud of her. However, I was emotionally distant even from her because I felt misunderstood and pressurized due to family situations. Monetarily my needs were met. However, my domestic life was imbalanced, and I unconsciously gathered a lot of codependency habits from my mother.

And it took me a while to work on them because, until 27, I was still acting out through those patterns. I didn’t understand the importance of healthy boundaries. I would usually chase emotionally unavailable people because I had experienced that since childhood, and it felt familiar. I thought I needed to do everything in my might to make relationships work. 

But that’s not true love. Love is wishing good for people even when they are not in our lives. Love doesn’t mean we need to undervalue self-worth and just give all we have to please the other person. How can we give if we are empty from the inside? 

Love is accepting others for who they are, respecting their boundaries and emotional capacity, observing if there’s an alignment between the dreams, hopes, wishes, understanding, etc. If something feels off, one can walk away while still not doing harm or speaking ill about the other involved. That’s mature love and this can be about any form of relationship, not just the romantic ones.

When we see movies, we pick up the idea that every romance should be hot and steamy, with lots of chemistry. There’s this consistent push and pull. Usually one tends to avoid emotions and the other one is over-submissive. Neither one is healthy! Firstly, one should never suppress or avoid feeling their emotions because it builds up in the body if left for too long, and later it can show physical symptoms like pain in an area.

Of course, emotions are uncomfortable if one is not used to handling them because it takes tons of inner work and intentionality to see your thoughts, feelings and yet not get consumed by them. It’s like observing your desires in a third person.

Secondly, the one who takes on the challenge to open up the emotionally distant person and chase them till they receive a yes is also unhealthy. Many times the submissive one picks up intuitively the hidden love within the connection. Maybe the one being avoidant actually cares. But just because one cares to some extent doesn’t mean they are prepared for a balanced relationship. 

One really cannot have the capacity for a stable relationship unless they are very self-aware, have a humble ego, have the capacity to love, learn and grow together. Someone still struggling to become whole within themselves can never give or even receive in a well-grounded manner. There can be extreme passion between two people, but both need to evolve from mere physical attraction to emotional, mental, and spiritual compatibility. 

The chaser should learn to respect even the rejection or disinclination to settle down. Accept that the person is just not ready. Something is incomplete within the submissive that they are willing to give love to an unavailable/distant person; one who thinks it’s too much to handle. It’s not like the chaser doesn’t know in their heart that this is something they need to let go of.  But sometimes, they are too wrapped up in the illusion of what could be. They fall in love with the potential and not the current reality.

It’s good to love the person despite who they are: whether they are ready or not. But that doesn’t mean one has to compromise on their needs to stay in an imbalanced dynamic, just because one loves the other person. A greater sense of self-esteem, paying attention to our values, and what we can bring to the table as a wholesome person is essential.

Unless we become unified in our consciousness, we will keep attracting karmic lessons in the form of different people, but similar patterns. If you look at everything from a spiritual lens, every single person out there is a teacher. Many don’t directly teach you, but if you’re paying attention to your as well as their patterns and behavior, you will learn to decode what inner work is pending and for whom.

Every person acts out of the conditioning they went through in childhood, their traumas, personal battles. As one evolves and works actively on raising their consciousness, they unlearn all that unhealthy paradigm, whatever is holding them back from fully owning their light. So, it’s also a daily practice to see people deeply, know the place they are coming from, and not take their behavior personally because everyone has some of the spiritual enhancement pending.

A beautiful aspect of emotional healing and inner work is that we start recognizing and tracing back to the root cause easily when we tend to repeat the same behavior. There come accountability and maturity in handling it. The blame game or self-hatred goes out the window. It simply gets replaced by a willingness to change, for the soul’s growth.


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Moment of reflection

This year 2020 has been huge for me in terms of accepting myself COMPLETELY for who I am. I started this year with a tinge of escapism. Everytime something would go wrong in my personal life, my first instinct would be to run away to a future imaginary happy situation, and feel disempowered within present scenario.

There was an unevolved sense of life purpose, as it had not completely taken its form. There was a lack of strong vision, confidence in my own abilities, commitment to stick to that path because I was fearful of being judged and not being good enough.

But I faced my Saturn return’s major transition this March, and while the world was still and silent, I on the other hand was purging and going through an inner battle of self-realization and actualization.

I took on the challenge that was thrown at me. Even though the way things unfolded didn’t make sense; even though there were traces of resistance and doubt, I still took on that road of creating exactly what I love. How do I see myself living my life? What is going to fill me up? Am I denying some aspects within me and why?

I realised that the only one who ever holds me back is me. If I back myself up with all my strength, I know I can go against the grain without a shred of hesitation. It was a huge epiphany for me. There’s no shame in talking about what I love doing. There’s no shame in admitting my passions and dreams.

I usually like keeping a low-profile about my work: partly humility and partly I don’t trust that everyone moves with good intentions of everyone else. So, I don’t reveal much of my plans until they have fully taken shape. But then, sometimes because of this I also come off as I don’t have much going in my life, which is far from truth.

I am always learning, upleveling my skills, and trying to gain spiritual insights and knowledge about helping humanity and this planet in general. Some of the subjects don’t make sense to common people, and I’m learning to be okay with it. I don’t have to prove my worth to anyone. The work that I will create should practically help people whenever they choose to go to it, and that’s the empire I’m creating.

The amount of efforts I put behind the scenes, only I know. Just because I observe everything and don’t reveal much, doesn’t give anyone on the outside to disrespect my craft and my devotion to it.

So this year, I learned not to underestimate myself, and not to talk as if I’ve nothing to do or teach. Whether people pick up on it or not, I don’t have to be concerned with that, but I always have to stand in my truth and not shape-shift to make others feel comfortable.

One should always stand in their light, no matter how bright, unbearable, or triggering it may seem to others.

I’m of course very kind most of the times. I don’t like pulling people down when they want to do something new. I love encouraging them, bringing their confidence up because I want to see everyone be their true self. Unfortunately, I haven’t received so far such enthusiastic support from anyone, except God and my ancestral spirit team. But, I’m still proud of how far I’ve come in terms of personal power.

My spirit team has given me so much of courage that I’ve learned to not be so extra hard on myself, and pinpoint every minor flaw in my work. It’s okay to be imperfect; what’s important is that we keep evolving regardless.

I’m extremely excited for the blessings 2021 would hold for me.

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Being Brave and Bold

I recall a beautiful line from the movie “The Perks of being a Wallflower”- We always accept a love we think we deserve. And this is absolutely true. It’s not even just about love; it’s about every single thing in life: even money, fame and success.

I’m not super attached to the material possessions but I know money is a great tool to enhance one’s quality of life as well as help the world around. Therefore, having a flourishing business/craft for me has less to do with gaining external validation, but more to do with, ” I wanna give back to mother earth and the less privileged humans and animals around, in whatever way I can”. And I’m still in the process of building the foundation.

I really value health, nutrition, and using environment friendly products. And to be honest, they are pricier compared to the toxic, non-biodegradable products out there which severely impact the ecosystem. But then it makes sense as well why those products are costly. I’ve an overall understanding that to eat well and take care of the nature, one needs to invest a bit more financially. The current time is not like the ancient era where deep connection to Pachamama was embedded in everyone.

Just like love, even in terms of financial abundance and prosperity, we accept a payment we think we deserve. Now, I had to clear a major limiting belief within me regarding this matter: my lack consciousness; this feeling of not having enough or receiving what I deserve for the work I do.

My ideas and visions are quite bold, out of the box, and many times they don’t make sense to others around me. But does that mean I need to water down my ideas in order to seem sensible? I realize that many times people just mean well and that’s why they want to advise. However, if there’s a powerhouse within you, if you are like the Sun, your light cannot be contained within a box. You’ll have to fully embrace that wildness within you and move along with that energy, grounding it in the real world, so that others who don’t have the same courage learn from you. And it’s okay. We all learn different things from each other. We all are teachers and students simultaneously.

Over time, I have learned to fully accept my ideas for what they are, and not doubt their potential to thrive. If it’s a strong calling in my heart, there’s a reason for its existence, and it’s not crazy to follow that lead. This is how pioneers are created.

Sometimes the seeds we lay down yields the fruits after immense patience, at a sweet divine time. So, if one is looking for instant gratification, they can miss out on the fulfillment they would extract from being devoted to their path of pure joy.

I take a lot of time creating the divine inspiration I receive. Along with that, I’m also practicing and learning yoga, meditation, ayurveda, herbal healing, crocheting, etc. My day stays quite packed up, and I love everything I do, because I’m following my passionate urges, thanks to my Sagittarius North Node.

Hence, I realise that I cannot underestimate my own products by marking them low cost, just because everyone else around me is doing that. In fact, I should stop comparing myself to anyone else. All of them are doing the best that they can, and they are aware the kind of community they desire.

I want something different: a strong soul community where each one of us is strong, independent, in our power, healing ourselves like a boss, doing what we love, and there’s no malicious ill-feelings of bringing someone down. There’s full support and encouragement. I don’t really care for praises but I do care that I make difference in a constructive way for whoever I create my work. Not everyone may like it, but the few ones who resonate would be whole-heartedly loving it.

And that’s why I need to clear my own fear of being seen. I need to clear my apprehension around receiving more money. Everything comes straight up from God; even money. We own nothing! When we die, we travel just as a soul. The kind of material wealth I deserve can only be decided by God, but atleast I need to believe I deserve it. If I doubt it, I will receive the same energy in the outside world.

The external world is a mirror of our internal world. Working on my spiritual gifts is a major part of my soul’s purpose, which blossoms side by side with my creativity. I love the idea of working hard, but not at the cost of undermining my efforts and devotion, in order to appease others around. So having a clear sense of self-worth is important.

If I don’t believe I deserve abundance; if I believe I need to push myself extra hard, and bend my integrity, work ethics to gain popularity and acceptance, that’s exactly what I will receive.

So know what you want, and don’t settle down for anything less! Be brave and expansive in your vision. No matter how talented you are, if you don’t see your calibre, no one else will.

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Mix Vegetable Soup

This Sunday I prepared a delightful and delectable mix vegetable soup. The universe guided me to start sharing my soulful recipes, and hence I have set my intention that whoever comes across my posts may receive the self-care energy and enthusiasm from the Divine.

It’s quite a simple recipe with all the ingredients easily available.

Onion (1 large)
Tomato puree (3 tbsp)
Capsicum(1 large)
Radish(1 small)
Zuccini(1 small)
Carrot(1 small)
Cabbage(roughly chopped 100g)
Potato (1 medium sized)
Brinjal (1 medium sized)
Broccoli (chopped 100g)
Boiled pulses (200g)
Coriander leaves and dry fruits for garnish
Oil (3 tsps), salt as per taste
cumin seeds (1 tsp) ; you can use mustard seeds as well
Crushed ginger-garlic paste
Coriander powder(1 tsp)
Cumin seed powder (1 tsp)
Red chilli powder (1 tsp)
Turmeric powder(1 tsp)
Curry powder (1 tsp)
Ramen (enough for 2 people)- optional

I actually like my soup little spicy and I’ve an Indian palate; therefore the quantity of spices is agreeable to my taste buds. You can alter the quantity and the spices you add according to your liking. Some simply love the use of salt, pepper, herbs and different seasonings, and that would be flavorsome too.

Add the oil to the cooking pot. Once it heats up, put the cumin seeds in the hot oil and let it splutter.
Next add the chopped onions and stir it on medium flame till it becomes translucent. Mix the ginger-garlic paste with onions, and saute till the raw smell disappears.
Now add in all the spices mentioned above and turn down the flame at low heat. In case you are simply adding crushed pepper, herbs and seasonings, you can do that in the end, once everything has been cooked.
Add few tablespoons of water to the spices so that they properly blend and release their flavors. Also pour in the tomato puree. On medium heat, saute till the entire water evaporates and you get left with a thick brownish red paste.
Now, put in all the chopped vegetables you have, and keep stirring in the pot for three minutes, on low heat. I add salt according to taste at this stage.
Simply add water to the cooking pot till the veggies submerge. Now you can cook it on medium flame, making sure to stir the soup every 5 minutes.

You can sit and relax, read some book with soft music playing by. I’m trying to make my whole cooking process a meditation. Sometimes, I can just be monkey-brained and want to prepare something rightaway. But my intuition always asks me to slow down and savour the cleaning, cutting and cooking process.

My tip: Listen to Alina Baraz. Her voice just makes the atmosphere cozy and warm.

Now, the final steps:

Check if the veggies have become tender by pressing them with the soup spoon gently. If no, let the soup sit longer. If yes, mix in the boiled pulses and cook for another 5-7 minutes. Also add the ramen/noodles you have at this moment. Always make sure to have the consistency to your liking by adding proper quantity of water.
Once everything feels soft, mushy and tender, turn off the heat. Add the seasonings and herbs if any. I sprinkled coriander/parsley leaves and some dry fruits.

And perfect! It’s absolutely healthy and gratifying. You can add any vegetables of your choice: maybe spinach, mushrooms, etc.

A nutritious food keeps your mind, body, and soul in good spirits. It’s moreover a way of self-care. I hope you enjoy it. 

Bon Appetit !

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Healing the sacred womb energy!

(P.S: This is an original art. Please be respectful when using it anywhere, to give the due credit. Thank you!)

If you are a woman and you experience severe menstrual cramps, I’m pretty sure you have developed a love-hate relationship with your monthly periods. Every time you see that date in your calendar, you start detesting what’s about to go down in the next few days. Even though this is a beautiful cycle of death and rebirth of fertility, it sometimes feels like a burden to womanhood.

I have gone through similar ups and downs in my menstrual cycle journey, and this month on Libra New Moon, I have decided to follow certain changes in my lifestyle patterns to witness how it makes me feel during periods from now on.

My Inner Goddess has been calling me persistently to give her everything she desires to feel healthy and beautiful. I had been quite busy with my creative projects for the last year. As a result, I wasn’t paying attention to my divine feminine that loves sensual experience and luxury.

Luxury for her doesn’t mean wasting money on unnecessary objects for vanity. “Luxury” stands for the simple joys in life which can promote self-care and nourishment.

For example, I love waxing my entire body on a monthly basis because it makes me feel elegant and graceful. I love good perfumes, essential oils, herbal body care products which relish my sense of touch and smell. I’m not a shopaholic. However, if I see a beautiful dress, some jewellery, etc that brings out my royalty, makes me feel like an empress of my own faery world, I do not mind investing in it.

I’m a highly creative person. So, not only do I love wearing beautiful clothing and adornments, but I also enjoy creating them, so that I can see the same sparkle in someone else’s eyes. I love being inflow of life, living as if there’s no tomorrow. I don’t work well with plans; I let my heart and intuition guide me in every decision of life because it brings me closer to Krsna.

Whenever I stifle my flow, my creative passion and sensuality with a more fixed approach, tying myself down to a routine and not exploring beyond it because of laziness, fear of free expression or my unconventionality, lack of willpower, or whatever the reason be, I can feel my feminine energy get frustrated. Sometimes my masculine energy can take over the reins of my soul and be in this “go-getter” mode obsessively, which can drive my inner goddess insane.

There’s nothing wrong with being a go-getter. However, the purpose of my life is to have a yin-yang balance, and I truly love both these aspects within me. I don’t want to be unfair to any of these energies. I love dancing, moving my body through yoga, energy work to feel rooted, connected to Mama Gaia. I had become physically lazy for the last one year. I gained weight, and my body’s confidence plummeted as a result.

I’m not someone who gets attracted to people on the basis of physical appearance first. It’s the energy that draws me in initially. However, since I love balance, the way I feel inside should also reflect outside in my appearance. Cleaning oneself, getting ready, dancing, goofing around, putting little makeup on: these are ways to declutter my own energetic space and aura. I feel good inwardly when I stay healthy and active.

When I don’t do these activities, my inner goddess builds up resentment towards my own body. Those feelings of annoyance, discouragement builds up within my solar plexus, sacral and root chakra, and therefore I experience painful cramps.

So, I have decided that I’m going to eat extremely healthy and savor cooking my meals, rather than doing it half-heartedly because I’ve other goals to chase. Put love in everything you do. Make your every moment a prayer, a meditation. My divine feminine has been urging me to make those changes immediately, and I’m pretty sure if I honor her desires, she is going to gift me with something I’ve not experienced before.

My menstrual pain recently was attached to my subconscious beliefs about my body- not owning and expressing it fully, and feeling it didn’t look beautiful. I already know that we are pretty regardless of our shape, size, skin tone, height, etc factors. But sometimes, we still carry remnants of a “lack” of self-worth.

You do not have to convince everyone else outside that you are good enough and deserving of love. If you don’t love your mind, body, or spirit entirely, you have to ask yourself: “What positive changes can I embrace right now to feel whole from the inside? What do I genuinely find fragmented inwardly? How can I feel like an empowered Goddess?” The solution is going to be unique for everyone, and it should be the one filled with compassion and acceptance of your process.

Whenever I’ve experienced severe pain, I can reflect back and always notice some of my unaligned behavioral pattern that was holding true at that point in time.

I truly desire to cultivate a healthy perspective about my menstrual cycle and become pain-free eventually, by bringing intuitive shifts in my life. It all starts energetically first, and then shows up loud in the physical body.

So, if you experience period pain as well, it’s an invitation for you to check what your divine feminine energy needs from you. How do you feel about your body? Are you fully living and breathing your feminine nature? Do you live to make only others happy, and in return ignore your own desires? Are you objectifying and disrespecting yourself because of societal conditioning? Do you hold trauma around feeling unstable and insecure within oneself due to an unhappy childhood? Have you numbed your emotions in order to fit into a certain identity? There are so many questions you can ask yourself.

Every woman is different, unique, and beautiful. You have to find what truly nourishes all your physical and metaphysical senses, and move accordingly. Much love!