Posted on

Autumn…

joshua-earle-emUahxWNvyA-unsplash

My heart has been restless and uneasy. A sense of boredom and stagnation has creeped in: “What’s next?” I ask myself.

Honestly, as much as of gratitude I hold for the gifts I have graciously received from Krsna, I equally feel a sense of discontent about the areas where I lack. This present stage feels like a dark womb, where there is nothing else except Krsna’s and my presence. I am vulnerable but I’m equally protected, and the one thread that has got me hanging mid-air is my faith in him.

The spiritual path is exactly like this. Most of the wisdom and soul awakening comes through transitional stages, where when the circumstances feel unfavorable, one relies on their faith and devotion.

 How far can I go? Maybe Krsna is testing me. He is playful and knows all my secrets. Maybe I’ve been serious for way too long.

Krsna teaches me to let go: let go of the desire to always work, and never stop by to enjoy the simple moments of life. I’m guilty of that. I work so much not because I feel pressured by someone outside of me, but because I genuinely love what I do.

I enjoy cooking simple meals. I enjoy creating artwork. I’m equally invested in home decor and architecture; hence I’ve been learning organisational skills and furniture design. I’m equally interested in gardening, crocheting, sewing, cleaning home, clay work, energy healing, yoga, herbology, writing blogs, etc.

Can I catch a damn break? I always drive myself to exhaustion by doing too much. My brain generates a constant influx of ideas, and I go so hard on myself by trying to fit in everything within 24 hours. Isn’t it an impractical way to live? Can one person do everything?

I might be a hard worker but I love slow style of living as well; the style where I’m not incessantly trying to rush through it all, but I’m also enjoying the experience it provided me.

Krsna taught me recently that my focus has to shift from the final product to the whole process. “Have romance with your process. Feel it! Slow it down! Let it take a little longer, but do not forget to enjoy the learning stage”, he says.

It’s not a new form of awareness for me. I already know it. But I’ve to consciously bring this to my attention everytime I start going overboard. 

I can become obsessed with my ideas, completely immersed in them, pursue them with laser focus attention. So I’ve to always stay mindful of my extreme behavior, because that imbalance starts showing up in my body.

The solution to all this is do one thing at a time, with full presence and mindfulness, so that my energy doesn’t get scattered.

If you have 10 things to do, don’t be thinking about the other 9 things when doing the first on your list. Get into a habit of keeping a notebook by your side- to write down ideas every time you receive one. The brain can get messed up if it keeps circling around the same thoughts for a long time, because you did not give them an outlet. Write in a way that it’s easier for you to comprehend them later upon reading. Additionally, do not put more responsibility on your shoulders than you can take.

Just because you naturally like doing stuffs and taking lead does not mean you’ve to take more on your plate than your capacity. You are not a superhuman (unless you actually are). You need food, sleep, relaxation, exercise, work in equal parts. All are important for your overall health. So do not ignore other aspects of your life in pursuit of just one thing.

When I sat in silence, I realised all this and saw through all the people who try to take more from me, whether emotionally or mentally. And then, I drew my boundaries up after an honest communication. I no longer feel like carrying people with me who don’t add anything valuable to my life. 

Valuable can either be material/mental/emotional/spiritual understanding. I do not keep anyone at pedestal, but I always look for someone who equals my energy. I know I give a lot to people I care about, but I also like to receive love, care and affection in a similar way. When someone around me starts draining my life-force (un)intentionally, and constantly triggers my psychological wounds, despite having a forthright conversation, I let them go.

Since I work hard, I only like people around me who I can build with; who take away some of my burden and help me, rather than adding their own burden to it. Sometimes I love being there for people, guiding them, boosting them up when they feel down, but that should not become a daily thing. 

Live your life! Complain, get angry and frustrated when you’ve been tough for a while and need a break. It’s valid to be angry, sad, hurt and tired. However, if that’s an every day story, some inner work and healing is required. 

I know I can be a great therapist and straight-shooter in pointing out what area someone needs to work on, to feel better in a wholesome way. Maybe I can do that some time; get raw and real about deep psychological stuffs with people. I have natural gift of being able to see everyone’s shadow self. But I don’t like playing therapist unless someone wants to work on themselves. Why to waste my energy on a perpetual complainer?

I can listen to people too, when they simply want me to be around, and express their emotions. But I need that gesture evenly when I feel down, and want someone to open upto. Should I be a shoulder to everyone and not need a shoulder myself? Utter bullshit! Extremely strong people fall apart too, and then they get back up again.

Lately, I’ve had this deep realisation that I can only be great friends with strong and driven people: who are balanced, know their true selves, and accept all of their parts. I can easily read through people’s intentions when they try to manipulate me, and I cut them off ruthlessly. Does that make me scary and less spiritual?

Who cares.

I’m me. I no longer label myself one thing or the other. I go along with what works my soul. If I ever feel I need to make a change, I bring that along because I practice pure truth with myself. I call myself out on my own shitty behavior when I spot it in the way of my soul’s evolution.

 I have been clearing space for new blessings in my life. I have been building and living my life gradually in a way that my benevolent ancestors would approve of. I’ve been making room for a better, healthier lifestyle where I take accountability for everything I involve myself in. New soul tribe needs to come in where we inspire each other to live our lives to the fullest.

Probably I need more patience!

 

Posted on Leave a comment

How to invite healthy, meaningful social connections in your life? Here’s my take!

In my earlier years, when I was quite co-dependent and didn’t know how to trust my intuitive nudges, I would often carry this “woe is me” and victim attitude, because almost everyone I met had used me in some form or the other,  even the ones I had trusted the most with my heart. At that point, I was trying so hard to numb down my feelings of betrayal and abandonment.

I would often ask myself,”What is wrong with me? Why do people always hurt me? Am I fated to meet such people in my life? Is the whole world so cruel?” Valid questions, right? Due to certain exhausting events, I even underwent depression for three years. 

However, now that I’m emotionally mature as a result of constantly doing inner work, and as  I reflect on my past behavior, I extract so much wisdom and clarity from that stage. To some extent, yes! The people I met in my life previously used me for their benefit. Let’s state it as it is! But the main difference now is – I also see the problem with who I was in that phase, and what things I put up with even though they clearly trampled on my self-worth. The signs and the red flags were always present, and very evident, but I chose to ignore them because I didn’t know how to be comfortable with pain, my deep subconscious issues, fears…or rather the totality of my soul.

I wanted to cling on, trauma bond with people. Heck! Sometimes I thought codependency was the only way to prove the love and loyalty within a connection. I’m even talking about friendships here, and not just romantic love.

I have come a long way in terms of emotional growth. Who I was 4 years back, there’s a drastic change in retrospect. 

I operate more with an open heart now. I communicate with everyone without having the fear that I will get hurt. Of course, it’s life. Sometimes we might face some challenges or friction, and I accept its existence. I don’t believe in pushing problems under the rug.

Few years back, I used to be afraid to address the issues. I would hold back my feelings, bottle them up, and carry resentment, pain, all around. I didn’t understand the value of healthy communication, and taking my time to point out what I was feeling, and how that matter could be resolved. I had this notion that I always need to act positive despite what was going on underneath, so that the people in my life don’t leave me.

But,I didn’t realise that I was already deluding myself that it was a sturdy foundation if I was simply faking my emotional state. If I can’t be honest and open about who I’m and what I feel, is that connection even an authentic one?

So one of the major lessons I carry now is be very clear about who I am, what I accept as well as “DON’T” accept in my life. I’m a naturally intuitive person, and I can mostly see within people’s masks, if I haven’t allowed my emotions to cloud my judgement. And no matter what I see, I just use that information to ask myself,”How does this person align with my soul’s purpose right now?”

I really take time to check in with my needs and desires. For example, I’m a very driven person about the kind of life I want to create. I barely need an external stimulus to motivate me. I get guided by my spirit team constantly. So, the kind of friendships I desire are the ones that teach me of esoteric wisdom, certain spiritual techniques that I’m unaware of, generate curiosity in me, or rather help me in a practical, financial way. And that’s what I offer in return too. I love giving advice to people when they need it, but only if they are going to act on it. Otherwise, I don’t waste my time and energy on people who are always complaining about their life and people in it.

Whatever connections show up in my life, I observe deeply what the other person requires to feel fulfilled within the partnership. I also make sure to ask them of their expectations in case they are open to a healthy conversation. And then I state how far and in what way can I meet them? I state my nature, how I like doing things, my personal boundaries, and check in with them if they can work with it? It’s always good to ask. That’s the core of building an effective communication.

Now remember, when we state our boundaries and intentions, not everyone is going to take it well. Some will be horrified at the audacity of our directness. But then, there’s little you can do about it. Most people can’t handle truth. They deem clarity as selfish behavior at times, because they are used to compromising within connectins and staying unhappy and bitter. But rarely do they realise that the truth which hurts them initially also teaches them the importance of considering boundaries, and frees them from the cycle of sneaky behavior and lies, because there’s no deception of intentions. Just make sure to express yourself with compassion, rather than rude speech. But beyond that, you are not really in control of how the other person takes the information.

Another point I always pay close attention to is people’s actions. Some people are highly crafty with their words. If a person can easily read into your psychological behavior, they also have the potential to manipulate you well, with their words and promises, unless you are grounded and balanced within yourself. Know your weaknesses, strengths, fears, low points, every corner of your soul and accept them with love, so that no one can use them against you. When you communicate, know where you are coming from, and have a firm understanding of why you are behaving a certain way. If you maintain that, it becomes a tad difficult to manipulate you, because you neither under or overestimate yourself. You just stick with what is! The reality!

Pay attention if the words of people in your life align with their actions. Is their just a little mismatch, or a huge gap? Do you find yourself capable to point out openly when they don’t live upto their promises? How do they react? Do they reflect on their behavior or gaslight you instead? Are they even open to the possibility of strengthening of the bond? Or do they assume that all is good even when clearly things don’t feel so alright? Are they perceptive and receptive? These are such important questions to ask within any kind of relationship. Depending on the answers, you get to decide your tolerance level of the person.

Not everyone likes to genuinely work on a connection. When an issue comes up, there’s more of blame and shame game, with very little accountability. Only when the duo is equally invested in making it work despite the odds, a resolution is reached. Sometimes people are unwilling to change the root of the problem. I advise in such cases to not push against the wave. Ask yourself,”Can I tolerate it? Or is it time that I let it go and walk away? Can I walk away in an amicable way, while still staying  in the person’s life, helping them when I can ,but not attaching myself to them ? Or do I feel the need to completely leave because it’s too painful?”

There are different levels to how we can end a connection. Some things are too traumatic and we don’t want to stay around to experience it again. Sometimes taking a break is all we need to emotionally recover. Do all that you need to do, so that you can come back to your center, as a happy, healthy human. 

Sometimes people in our lives hurt us, and we never get any apology from them. And honestly, no matter how heart-wrenching it is at times, we can’t really force them to apologise to us. We have to look for love and compassion within in those tough moments, to heal our hearts. Not an easy thing to do, for sure! But since, I’ve done it countless times, I know it’s so worth it, because I now know how to give love, validation, acceptance, nurture to myself, which I used to expect from others.

As a result of this, I only allow people in my life, who are equally willing to work on their emotional-self, when things don’t go as planned, where it’s not a co-dependent addiction. When you act in full integrity, you attract people who are similarly unfeigned. Even if you meet insincere people, it gradually becomes easier for you to detect the red flags, because you start dismissing all bullshit, and clearly stating what you want. 

If someone makes you feel bad for having certain standards, they clearly are not meant to be in your life.  Sometimes we all can fuck up within a connection, but it’s all about how beautifuly the conflict gets settled. But if there are frequent events of disharmony, misunderstanding and allegations, continuing with that connection isn’t healthy for either person involved. Sometimes it’s okay to understand that two people are so different that the common points bringing them together are very few. And there’s no one to blame, but it’s just the two see the world so differently. No one is right or wrong in that case. Just walk away or find the middle path of catching up once in a while. You can always decide the kind of dynamics you want within any relationship.

If someone is always set on misunderstanding you, it’s an exhausting chore to explain yourself everytime. You decide how far you can go with it. It’s like a cigarette, slowly suffocating your lungs.

Another important point: just the way you respect your boundaries and accept certain things in your life, you also have to respect the same for others. We all are different, moving, creating our destinies in a unique way. Just because you have the capacity to give more doesn’t mean the other person is ready to receive it, or they want the same things as you do.

When someone else clearly states their truth, accept it, rather than selfishly wanting them to be flexible to your needs. Accept people for who they are, whether they are emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually wise or not. If you can’t keep them in your inner circle, just let them be, wish them well, without causing needless friction and pushiness.

We don’t need to change anybody. We allow them to reveal their true nature and adjust accordingly. That’s the lesson we learn throughout our lives in terms of social expansion and inner growth. Wow! I think I’ve written enough about it. Hope you find sense and clarity in it. Much love to you all!

Posted on Leave a comment

Tracing our emotional patterns

Our childhood plays a crucial role in shaping how we deal with people in our lives, our boundaries, our comfort in giving and receiving love, genuineness, authenticity, etc. 

This is the conditioning we pick up through observing our environment where we grew up, our relationship with parents, siblings, others around, also the kind of pressure and challenges we silently took on without being aware of it. There are multiple scenarios.

For example, I grew up in a family where my parents detested each other. My father was emotionally, mentally absent and had no interest in raising us. My mother had to do it all alone. I’m proud of her. However, I was emotionally distant even from her because I felt misunderstood and pressurized due to family situations. Monetarily my needs were met. However, my domestic life was imbalanced, and I unconsciously gathered a lot of codependency habits from my mother.

And it took me a while to work on them because, until 27, I was still acting out through those patterns. I didn’t understand the importance of healthy boundaries. I would usually chase emotionally unavailable people because I had experienced that since childhood, and it felt familiar. I thought I needed to do everything in my might to make relationships work. 

But that’s not true love. Love is wishing good for people even when they are not in our lives. Love doesn’t mean we need to undervalue self-worth and just give all we have to please the other person. How can we give if we are empty from the inside? 

Love is accepting others for who they are, respecting their boundaries and emotional capacity, observing if there’s an alignment between the dreams, hopes, wishes, understanding, etc. If something feels off, one can walk away while still not doing harm or speaking ill about the other involved. That’s mature love and this can be about any form of relationship, not just the romantic ones.

When we see movies, we pick up the idea that every romance should be hot and steamy, with lots of chemistry. There’s this consistent push and pull. Usually one tends to avoid emotions and the other one is over-submissive. Neither one is healthy! Firstly, one should never suppress or avoid feeling their emotions because it builds up in the body if left for too long, and later it can show physical symptoms like pain in an area.

Of course, emotions are uncomfortable if one is not used to handling them because it takes tons of inner work and intentionality to see your thoughts, feelings and yet not get consumed by them. It’s like observing your desires in a third person.

Secondly, the one who takes on the challenge to open up the emotionally distant person and chase them till they receive a yes is also unhealthy. Many times the submissive one picks up intuitively the hidden love within the connection. Maybe the one being avoidant actually cares. But just because one cares to some extent doesn’t mean they are prepared for a balanced relationship. 

One really cannot have the capacity for a stable relationship unless they are very self-aware, have a humble ego, have the capacity to love, learn and grow together. Someone still struggling to become whole within themselves can never give or even receive in a well-grounded manner. There can be extreme passion between two people, but both need to evolve from mere physical attraction to emotional, mental, and spiritual compatibility. 

The chaser should learn to respect even the rejection or disinclination to settle down. Accept that the person is just not ready. Something is incomplete within the submissive that they are willing to give love to an unavailable/distant person; one who thinks it’s too much to handle. It’s not like the chaser doesn’t know in their heart that this is something they need to let go of.  But sometimes, they are too wrapped up in the illusion of what could be. They fall in love with the potential and not the current reality.

It’s good to love the person despite who they are: whether they are ready or not. But that doesn’t mean one has to compromise on their needs to stay in an imbalanced dynamic, just because one loves the other person. A greater sense of self-esteem, paying attention to our values, and what we can bring to the table as a wholesome person is essential.

Unless we become unified in our consciousness, we will keep attracting karmic lessons in the form of different people, but similar patterns. If you look at everything from a spiritual lens, every single person out there is a teacher. Many don’t directly teach you, but if you’re paying attention to your as well as their patterns and behavior, you will learn to decode what inner work is pending and for whom.

Every person acts out of the conditioning they went through in childhood, their traumas, personal battles. As one evolves and works actively on raising their consciousness, they unlearn all that unhealthy paradigm, whatever is holding them back from fully owning their light. So, it’s also a daily practice to see people deeply, know the place they are coming from, and not take their behavior personally because everyone has some of the spiritual enhancement pending.

A beautiful aspect of emotional healing and inner work is that we start recognizing and tracing back to the root cause easily when we tend to repeat the same behavior. There come accountability and maturity in handling it. The blame game or self-hatred goes out the window. It simply gets replaced by a willingness to change, for the soul’s growth.

 

Posted on

Being Brave and Bold

I recall a beautiful line from the movie “The Perks of being a Wallflower”- We always accept a love we think we deserve. And this is absolutely true. It’s not even just about love; it’s about every single thing in life: even money, fame and success.

I’m not super attached to the material possessions but I know money is a great tool to enhance one’s quality of life as well as help the world around. Therefore, having a flourishing business/craft for me has less to do with gaining external validation, but more to do with, ” I wanna give back to mother earth and the less privileged humans and animals around, in whatever way I can”. And I’m still in the process of building the foundation.

I really value health, nutrition, and using environment friendly products. And to be honest, they are pricier compared to the toxic, non-biodegradable products out there which severely impact the ecosystem. But then it makes sense as well why those products are costly. I’ve an overall understanding that to eat well and take care of the nature, one needs to invest a bit more financially. The current time is not like the ancient era where deep connection to Pachamama was embedded in everyone.

Just like love, even in terms of financial abundance and prosperity, we accept a payment we think we deserve. Now, I had to clear a major limiting belief within me regarding this matter: my lack consciousness; this feeling of not having enough or receiving what I deserve for the work I do.

My ideas and visions are quite bold, out of the box, and many times they don’t make sense to others around me. But does that mean I need to water down my ideas in order to seem sensible? I realize that many times people just mean well and that’s why they want to advise. However, if there’s a powerhouse within you, if you are like the Sun, your light cannot be contained within a box. You’ll have to fully embrace that wildness within you and move along with that energy, grounding it in the real world, so that others who don’t have the same courage learn from you. And it’s okay. We all learn different things from each other. We all are teachers and students simultaneously.

Over time, I have learned to fully accept my ideas for what they are, and not doubt their potential to thrive. If it’s a strong calling in my heart, there’s a reason for its existence, and it’s not crazy to follow that lead. This is how pioneers are created.

Sometimes the seeds we lay down yields the fruits after immense patience, at a sweet divine time. So, if one is looking for instant gratification, they can miss out on the fulfillment they would extract from being devoted to their path of pure joy.

I take a lot of time creating the divine inspiration I receive. Along with that, I’m also practicing and learning yoga, meditation, ayurveda, herbal healing, crocheting, etc. My day stays quite packed up, and I love everything I do, because I’m following my passionate urges, thanks to my Sagittarius North Node.

Hence, I realise that I cannot underestimate my own products by marking them low cost, just because everyone else around me is doing that. In fact, I should stop comparing myself to anyone else. All of them are doing the best that they can, and they are aware the kind of community they desire.

I want something different: a strong soul community where each one of us is strong, independent, in our power, healing ourselves like a boss, doing what we love, and there’s no malicious ill-feelings of bringing someone down. There’s full support and encouragement. I don’t really care for praises but I do care that I make difference in a constructive way for whoever I create my work. Not everyone may like it, but the few ones who resonate would be whole-heartedly loving it.

And that’s why I need to clear my own fear of being seen. I need to clear my apprehension around receiving more money. Everything comes straight up from God; even money. We own nothing! When we die, we travel just as a soul. The kind of material wealth I deserve can only be decided by God, but atleast I need to believe I deserve it. If I doubt it, I will receive the same energy in the outside world.

The external world is a mirror of our internal world. Working on my spiritual gifts is a major part of my soul’s purpose, which blossoms side by side with my creativity. I love the idea of working hard, but not at the cost of undermining my efforts and devotion, in order to appease others around. So having a clear sense of self-worth is important.

If I don’t believe I deserve abundance; if I believe I need to push myself extra hard, and bend my integrity, work ethics to gain popularity and acceptance, that’s exactly what I will receive.

So know what you want, and don’t settle down for anything less! Be brave and expansive in your vision. No matter how talented you are, if you don’t see your calibre, no one else will.