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How to pick the perfect spiritual advisor for you?

When we start deepening our understanding of spirituality, and the reason it’s important for us to evolve as a soul, we also start gravitating towards certain tools like crystals, tarot, astrology, etc. to grow our inner awareness.

Now, I do not approach these tools as necessary but they can play a great role in self-reflection and assessment of our patterns, limiting beliefs, areas of improvement, destiny, past life baggage, etc. When someone approaches these tools constantly with the mindset of mundane predictions or seeking validation to stay stuck in unhealthy situations, they are not really looking for inner growth. Their focus is purely material world illusion based. And that’s okay! Not everyone seeks mystical experiences within a lifetime. 

But if you are truly looking for innermost expansion, it’s necessary to understand that the reservoir of wisdom is always within you, and you are approaching these tools only to confirm what you already know in your deep heart and psyche. Any kind of tool should help you identify your impediments and untapped potential, and encourage you to work with other energies beyond your comfort zone, as that’s the key factor to strengthen your areas of weakness.

This doesn’t mean that you should be a perfect human and should never make mistakes. It simply indicates that experience it, and cultivate more wisdom by being open to newness.

What do I suggest when someone wants to find a genuine astrologer or tarot reader or any sort of holistic healer?

I encourage doing a thorough study of their work and the content they put out. Do not simply get influenced by the number of followers, the over-hyping comment section, other social factors. However, do a detailed study of what they create, and ask yourself if you connect with their work. This tip helps people who have good discernment skills.

However, if you haven’t really reached a state to identify what feels or doesn’t feel right to you, it’s always acceptable to go to someone who has a balanced perspective on spirituality and practicality. I’m not talking about the mainstream spirituality where people try to fit each other in certain labels, constantly promote love, light, endless positivity, and don’t take accountability of their shadows and personal development. I’m rather talking about going to someone who has a broad outlook of everything, and realizes that we are multi-dimensional in every sense; someone who holds integrity in their words, actions and teaching.

For example, I do not advice anything that I haven’t fully practiced and understood the importance of. I’m aware that being a human, I will always have something further to encounter and integrate. So whatever I don’t know or don’t personally practice, I stay honest about it. But there’s a lot more that I embody and understand in my daily life, and that’s what I can teach. My lessons revolve more around listening to one’s inner voice and focusing less on external noise. Not every teacher or healer is the right pick for you.

Some people can also drift towards healers who give deeper context of spiritual and religious practices, and less of practical know-how. Everything is good as long as you know what you need.

Let their work, their ideas speak to you. Sit with their work and ask yourself, “How do I feel about it? Would I really like to take advice or gain wisdom from this person?” You will always know if you pay attention to subtle signals and vibrations within you.

My style of guiding anyone is very rational and spiritual at the same time. I follow my heart and passion when it comes to my work. I’m very connected to the divine, but I also use the wisdom I receive to be of service to people in a practical sense. My virgo rising and Capricorn saturn contributes to that nature.

I’m still learning many things, building my foundation slowly, and I can’t wait to see how everything connects many years later. 

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Letting go and forgiveness!

I’m grieving: grieving the loss of a connection near and dear to my heart; a connection that I had always known was hugely karmic in nature because I grew so much spiritually just by being in this connection. The person never taught me directly a single word, but the amount of karma I paid by being around him, the emotional healing, forgiveness lessons I had to learn were immense.

Talking about this itself is sensitive to me. The reason I haven’t fully moved out of this connection is because I know I still owe the person something in this physical world- no longer emotional/ mental ties, but very transactional and practical in nature, to completely dissolve the karma. 

Ending relationships is not always black and white. Sometimes a certain connection mirrors back to us what we really need in order to feel loved, heard and seen. We start seeing all those places where we haven’t given love to our heart, where we are blocking ourselves, holding anger, resentment because something just doesn’t feel right. When we see all that, we set intentions about what we want next to come in. We prioritize our needs and desires. And then we be patient while waiting for that to step in our lives. Meanwhile, we continue focusing on our soul’s evolution.

I’m good at cutting people off where I don’t find equal reciprocation. But in few connections, I’ve to stay more strategic and diplomatic in terms of how I end them gradually. They don’t happen overnight because several factors are interconnected, but the realization definitely hits that something has ended internally, and there’s nothing left inside to give. And when that awareness comes, there also comes grief, the pain of letting go, meanwhile also forgiving the person involved for the emotional trauma they have caused.

I’m someone that doesn’t really hold grudge against people, and no matter who has hurt me where, I never wish bad upon them. But it definitely takes time to heal the anger, discontent, bitterness because they are very valid feelings. They make us human, and when we understand the root cause of it, we also begin understanding that we cannot latch onto them forever.

Even though it’s hard, at some point forgiveness has to be embraced, to release all the pain, the suffocation, the blockage in the heart.

Probably this is one of the most vulnerable posts I’ve ever written because my scorpio moon doesn’t feel comfortable be so open about my private life. But I feel this post was necessary today for my sake, for my emotional salvation, for me to forgive the person, for me to grieve as much as I have to, but also realize that some things are not meant to be, despite trying our best.

I cannot be exasperated and wounded because of someone forever. I’ve to forgive, reach a certain level of detachment, serve my karmic debt to that person till whenever Krsna intends and then leave with gratitude. That’s the ending I desire.

I’m actually thankful to that person in many ways because they indirectly illuminated me on how to be grounded and wise in my emotional body. I was so used to numbing my emotions 5 years back. But when this person came to my life, through presenting me extremely difficult challenges of abandonment, slight narcissism, emotional unavailability, selfishness, he triggered me to heal myself, because I was in the void and I had no option, but to fill my cup with self-love.

This person came at a point when I wasn’t emotionally mature. But he appeared as a teacher, to push me to embody my highest self. I’m still in the process of many things but I’ve also done tremendous inner-work because of those sentimental scars.

I’m becoming ready to forgive him, and move on when I see Krsna’s signal. I will stay on the lookout. But I’m grateful for all that I’ve learned in this connection, and there’s nothing more left to give and take. So, I will let this pain transform me into a more authentic expression of my soul.

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Tracing our emotional patterns

Our childhood plays a crucial role in shaping how we deal with people in our lives, our boundaries, our comfort in giving and receiving love, genuineness, authenticity, etc. 

This is the conditioning we pick up through observing our environment where we grew up, our relationship with parents, siblings, others around, also the kind of pressure and challenges we silently took on without being aware of it. There are multiple scenarios.

For example, I grew up in a family where my parents detested each other. My father was emotionally, mentally absent and had no interest in raising us. My mother had to do it all alone. I’m proud of her. However, I was emotionally distant even from her because I felt misunderstood and pressurized due to family situations. Monetarily my needs were met. However, my domestic life was imbalanced, and I unconsciously gathered a lot of codependency habits from my mother.

And it took me a while to work on them because, until 27, I was still acting out through those patterns. I didn’t understand the importance of healthy boundaries. I would usually chase emotionally unavailable people because I had experienced that since childhood, and it felt familiar. I thought I needed to do everything in my might to make relationships work. 

But that’s not true love. Love is wishing good for people even when they are not in our lives. Love doesn’t mean we need to undervalue self-worth and just give all we have to please the other person. How can we give if we are empty from the inside? 

Love is accepting others for who they are, respecting their boundaries and emotional capacity, observing if there’s an alignment between the dreams, hopes, wishes, understanding, etc. If something feels off, one can walk away while still not doing harm or speaking ill about the other involved. That’s mature love and this can be about any form of relationship, not just the romantic ones.

When we see movies, we pick up the idea that every romance should be hot and steamy, with lots of chemistry. There’s this consistent push and pull. Usually one tends to avoid emotions and the other one is over-submissive. Neither one is healthy! Firstly, one should never suppress or avoid feeling their emotions because it builds up in the body if left for too long, and later it can show physical symptoms like pain in an area.

Of course, emotions are uncomfortable if one is not used to handling them because it takes tons of inner work and intentionality to see your thoughts, feelings and yet not get consumed by them. It’s like observing your desires in a third person.

Secondly, the one who takes on the challenge to open up the emotionally distant person and chase them till they receive a yes is also unhealthy. Many times the submissive one picks up intuitively the hidden love within the connection. Maybe the one being avoidant actually cares. But just because one cares to some extent doesn’t mean they are prepared for a balanced relationship. 

One really cannot have the capacity for a stable relationship unless they are very self-aware, have a humble ego, have the capacity to love, learn and grow together. Someone still struggling to become whole within themselves can never give or even receive in a well-grounded manner. There can be extreme passion between two people, but both need to evolve from mere physical attraction to emotional, mental, and spiritual compatibility. 

The chaser should learn to respect even the rejection or disinclination to settle down. Accept that the person is just not ready. Something is incomplete within the submissive that they are willing to give love to an unavailable/distant person; one who thinks it’s too much to handle. It’s not like the chaser doesn’t know in their heart that this is something they need to let go of.  But sometimes, they are too wrapped up in the illusion of what could be. They fall in love with the potential and not the current reality.

It’s good to love the person despite who they are: whether they are ready or not. But that doesn’t mean one has to compromise on their needs to stay in an imbalanced dynamic, just because one loves the other person. A greater sense of self-esteem, paying attention to our values, and what we can bring to the table as a wholesome person is essential.

Unless we become unified in our consciousness, we will keep attracting karmic lessons in the form of different people, but similar patterns. If you look at everything from a spiritual lens, every single person out there is a teacher. Many don’t directly teach you, but if you’re paying attention to your as well as their patterns and behavior, you will learn to decode what inner work is pending and for whom.

Every person acts out of the conditioning they went through in childhood, their traumas, personal battles. As one evolves and works actively on raising their consciousness, they unlearn all that unhealthy paradigm, whatever is holding them back from fully owning their light. So, it’s also a daily practice to see people deeply, know the place they are coming from, and not take their behavior personally because everyone has some of the spiritual enhancement pending.

A beautiful aspect of emotional healing and inner work is that we start recognizing and tracing back to the root cause easily when we tend to repeat the same behavior. There come accountability and maturity in handling it. The blame game or self-hatred goes out the window. It simply gets replaced by a willingness to change, for the soul’s growth.